Virginity Does not Define a Person's Value!

Several times I have had a young woman tell me that she is can't marry a virgin because no guy that waited would want a girl who didn't. These young women honestly believed they were less worthy as future wives because they were not virgins! They actually felt that a man who was a virgin would not want her!

As I write this I am not entirely sure who I am writing it to. On one hand, no woman should feel like she is less valuable because she has a past. On the other hand, they obviously got the idea that that was true from somewhere! So, I decided I would write this to both the girls and the guys! I suppose it would be simplest to split this up into two parts:

To Those Who Have Not Waited

As a virgin myself, I can tell you from experience what a guy who is waiting thinks of a woman who didn't. I can honestly tell you it is one of my heart's desires that my future wife will have waited for me. I so strongly desire to be her one and only. To have that special experience just between the two of us. 

However, I can also tell you that I understand how hard the world we live in is. I may be a virgin, but that doesn't mean I am perfect. I have made mistakes. Mistakes that I can't take back or erase anymore than a person who gave their first time away can. I hope and pray that my wife will be understanding and be able to forgive me for my mistakes. And she deserves the same!

I cannot ask her to forgive my mistakes if I can't forgive hers. If she has already given herself away it will absolutely break my heart. It will be something I will struggle to reconcile with. But the mistakes I have made are going to hurt my future wife as well. We all have made mistakes. Forgiveness cannot be contingent on the rule that you marry somebody who hasn't made any mistakes that you haven't. Forgiveness needs to be absolute.

The Bible commands we forgive one another without condition. And married couples are given additional instruction: Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" Also, Ephesians 5:28 "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Christ loved the Church enough to not only forgive without stipulation, but to die for the sins of its people. In light of that is it really that much to forgive our future spouse for mistakes they may have made before we met? Also, we are commanded to love our spouse like ourselves! We want want to be forgiven, therefore we should want our spouse to be forgiven. And we are the ones who need to offer that forgiveness!

To Those Who Have Waited

If you are still a virgin waiting for your spouse, make sure you do not judge them on their past. Forgive and realize you need forgiveness. Remember, a "virgin" can still commit sexual sin! Without taking away the technical title of virgin a person can lust, view pornography, fantasize, or even touch in an inappropriate way. In all likely hood you have done at least one of these things. Nobody is perfect after all.

One thing I like to tell people who share that they have feelings of guilt over giving their virginity away before marriage is that they can claim a "second virginity". A second virginity is when somebody resolves to not have sex again until they are married. It may not be completely the same but it is a way to tell your future spouse that you care enough that you decided they were worth waiting for, even if you made mistakes before.

Really, if you love your future spouse enough to wait, don't you love them enough to forgive any mistakes they may have in their past? I mean, if they are still sexually active then you should stay away! But if they gave their virginity away in the past, then leave it there! Look at where their heart is now!

I know this looks to be written to guys, but that is because I am a guy writing it. Ladies please realize that guys are not as confident as they pretend to be! We are insecure, too! We worry that our mistakes may drive off our future wife or that she won't be able to forgive us! So, please, remember that we are not perfect either! And both girls and guys, NEVER use the mistakes of your spouse's past against them!

P. S. You may have noticed that I never used the term "lost their virginity". A person who willingly has sex with another person did not lose their virginity. They gave it away. Something lost is something you involuntarily lost control of. You choose who you give your virginity to!