What is Courting and Why Should I do it?

Last week I shared my love life with you all. The love life of a 21 year old who barely courts. I got a bunch of feedback from everybody and I really appreciate it! One thing that I was asked, and have been asked before, was whether courting was really necessary for adults. After all, we are adults, we should be able to control ourselves and make good choices, right?

This week I really want to look into this question and explain why courting is beneficial for any age! There are some misconceptions about courting that I would like the opportunity to clear up. There are several important reasons I, and many other people, believe courting is the best path toward marriage. Before we get into the reasons it is so valuable, however, lets look at what it actually is.

Courting is an alternative to dating as a means to get to know a potential spouse. Some people like to call courting "dating with purpose" because courting rejects the practice of bouncing from relationship to relationship like dating is sometimes defined by. It is not that simple however. Courting is a driven relationship that allows two people to get to know each other in a more true way while also providing an accountability filled environment to do so. In a courting relationship both parties understand that there is a good possibility the courtship will end in marriage. That is why the relationship was started. Courtship is also about getting to know your girlfriend/boyfriend in a more genuine way than one-on-one dates allow. Courtship is generally carried out with a chauffeur present to help the couple remain accountable. An example of a courtship "date" would be spending the day with one or the other's family or going to the mall with one or the other's siblings.

So, now that we have a general idea what courting is (by the way no two people court exactly alike, that was just a basis) lets talk about why we should court! There are a ton of reasons why courting is such a healthy way to get to know somebody you are interested in marrying!

Courting provides an accountable environment for the couple to grow in. This is one of the more touchy points about courting. I have been asked several times if it is really necessary for adults who can make their own choices. The answer is a resounding YES! We never outgrow the need for help! We never get so good that we can't fall! Temptation will attack and everybody knows that humans do not have the best track record when it comes to beating temptation! Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Mathew 26:41. Jesus recognized how weak the flesh is! That is why He commanded us to watch and pray! The Bible also tells us that a wise person accepts wise council. The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. Proverbs 12:15. (Just a bonus one for you: The Bible says you have greater success if you take advice. If marriage is the end goal then success is definitely desirable, right? Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 15:22.)

Courting provides  a way to really evaluate a potential mate. Dating tends to be about going on dates. You get together and the two of you go see a movie, or the two of you go eat, or the two of you go skating. Whatever you do it is usually just the two of you. Therefore, you get to see your potential mate when they are on there best behavior and are focused solely on you. You don't really get to see how they behave outside of the romantically charged atmosphere of the date. And, realistically speaking, who can't be good for a couple of hours to eat a meal, go skating, go for a walk, or watch a movie (OK, how do you get to know somebody at all by sitting in a movie theater for 2 hours without speaking?) Having that person around your family, your church family, and their own family, will allow you to better see how they are in real life!

Courting provides practice in stability. It also protects your heart. Nobody likes heart break, and most of us would agree that it would be nice to save our hearts solely for our mate. Courting can help ease heartbreak and help us save our hearts! Breakups will happen. Most of us will not marry the first person we court. And it will hurt. But courting eases the severity of the pain. In courting we protect our hearts because the relationship is driven towards marriage, so as soon as we see that marriage is not an option, we... (wait for it this may surprise some people) WE BREAK UP!! Do NOT continue a relationship you know is not going to lead to marriage! Another great part of this is that, since we only court people we truly believe we may want to marry, we are not bouncing from relationship to relationship! Alot of people date just for fun when they know there is no chance of marriage with their girlfriend/boyfriend. Dating is like practicing for divorce! You date this person and get bored and move on to the next person. Courting is not like that!

Courting also provides more opportunity for your family to give feedback on a potential spouse. You should really listen to your family's advice. They know you better than anyone! If they don't approve of a relationship you should really consider ending that relationship. Obviously, you are an adult and can make your own choices, but it is wise to listen to your family-especially your parents!

The above mentioned benefits of courtship are not the only benefits, but those are some of the major ones. Courtship lets you get to know your potential spouse better, lets you see what their spiritual life is like, lets you see how they are with family, and protects you from falling into sin and/or getting your heart broken. Obviously, it is not a perfect system. Things can still go wrong. That is why the MOST important part of any relationship is prayer! Pray to God to give you wisdom and protection! Pray that He will guide your relationship and tell you His plans!

This was my attempt at summarizing courtship and it's benefits. You can read Joshua Harris's books for more info or any of the books listed in the blog post that started all of this. I may even write my own book about it! God bless!